URU Action News Archive

MikeFitz · **Posted:** Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:30 pm

URU Action News 1.15

Warning: Ear crickets can kill (05/14/07)
Editor-in-Chief: MikeFitz City Reporter: Legendary
Investigator: TheWriterX Advice Columnist: Page Linkletter
Cost: Always Free

==========

NOTHING CONTINUES TO HAPPEN

An eerie quiet has fallen across the city, as if every citizen has held their
collective breaths. Signs and portents of an event brewing on the horizon are
discussed in hushed whispers. Beyond reason, everyone predicts, speaking with
the certainty of fact, that events this Saturday, May 19th will somehow act as
a catalyst for a week-long episode of conflict, exploration and transformation.
It is not understood by this reporter how this incident of mass precognition
can occur. But everyone please be careful this weekend, I fear for the safety
of someone very close.

==========

BAHRO STONE MYSTERY (PART 2)
By: Tai'lahr

This follow up to the first part is overdue, but I hesitated to publish my
theories about the disappearance and reappearance of our Bevin's Bahro linking
stone and the subsequent extended visit by a Bahro. Let's just say that there
are scarier things in the cavern than the Bahro. At the risk of being expelled
from the cavern, I am now seriously pursuing research about the Bahro and have
written to the D'ni Restoration Council (DRC) requesting that they share any
information they have. I have begun posting information (and KI shots) about
the Bahro on Capt. Jack Harkness' website www.midnightcartel.com/torchwood/ and
encourage others to do so as well.

==========

This issue was brought to you in part by the Ae'gura 5K Charity Run. Sponsor a
runner or sign up to run yourself. Calibration markers raised by this event
goes directly to educational programs and important research into the cause and
cure of the Cavern Crazies. Thank you for making great things possible.

==========

Got a tip or an article to share? Want to subscribe, or need back issues?
Please send a ki-mail to MikeFitz @ KI-ID:03081711, with your NAME, KI-ID, and
ACTION. And, as always, feel free to share.

MikeFitz · **Posted:** Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:30 pm

URU Action News 1.16

In-laws Delay Local News Service - Happy Memorial Day (05/29/07)
/
Editor-in-Chief: / City Reporter:
MikeFitz \ Legendary
\
/
Investigator: / Advice Columnist:
TheWriterX \ Page Linkletter
\
===
BAHRO CIVIL WAR RAGES JUST AS YOU LEFT EDER KEMO

Bahro liaison and war correspondent, Screah, reported from the front line that
the last time you left Eder Kemo, the largest Bahro skirmish to date ensued.
The ferocious and spectacular onslaught was both dazzling and terrifying to
behold according to first hand reports. While the combat was baleful and
deplorable, all surviving witnesses admit to being transfigured by the shock
and awe of the engagement. There was a brief cessation in hostilities when you
linked back in to pick up some fireflies, but aggressions resumed in earnest
when you again departed. Rand Miller was on hand when the battle was over and
answered many questions, but unfortunately no chat logs were made.
===
D'NI RESTORATION COUNCIL CONDUCTS MEMBERSHIP DRIVE

Regrettably, after the tragic circumstances surrounding the departure of Mr.
Engberg, the DRC has dropped below quorum voting requirements and is now
seeking new membership. Mysteriously unable to find willing candidates within
the organization, the DRC has made a bold initiative to find new blood from the
unsuspecting explorer community. Potential candidates must:
- Hold safety above all else
- Be able to respond to direct questions in vague and unclear ways
- Agree to always vote the same way as the rest of the council
- Be willing to sacrifice themselves for other DRC members or Cate should any
unlikely situation arise, and
- Have an insurmountable fear of jumping into dark abysses.
Applications should hurry as the DRC would like to fill this position before
the start of any future event.
===
Got a tip or an article to share? Want to subscribe? Please send a ki-mail to
MikeFitz @ KI-ID:03081711 with your NAME, KI-ID and ACTION. Back issues also
available. And feel free to share.

MikeFitz · **Posted:** Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:30 pm

URU Action News 1.17

Visit the URU Action News Bevin; now with Eder Delin (06/05/07)
Editor-in-Chief: MikeFitz City Reporter: Legendary
Investigator: TheWriterX Advice Columnist: Page Linkletter
Cost: Always Free
=====
URU CITIZEN CURSES YAHVO, OTHERS; OPENS TRIG BOOK

In an effort to beat Minkata, a local citizen reluctantly and bitterly searched
through various high school memorabilia and notebooks to find a sophomore book
on trigonometry. Unappreciative of the realization, that learning the
Pythagorean Theorem and the Law of Sines has now proven to be actually
pertinent to their life, this citizen instead cursed loudly and profanely;
Yahvo, the Bahro, GreyDragon, the government and Yeesha, in that order.
=====
CAVERN CONCERNS WITH PAGE LINKLETTER
Coping with Tragedy

Grief, how do we deal with it? The loss of a friend or a family member can
often times send us on a downward spiral, so how do we deal with the tragedies
that befall us? Well, the first step is to recognize that "YES" it actually
happened. Next, realize there was nothing you could do to stop it, so stop
being so hard on yourself. And no matter how much you wanted to give, it
wouldn't have stopped the tragic events from unfolding. Next, you have to stop
being such an Emo kid. Remember, nobody likes an Emo kid! Finally, accept
that it happened and move on with your life, after all, Minkata is not going to
explore itself!
=====
TIARESIM DISCOVERS HOFFA'S REMAINS

Well known URU citizen and member of the ThinkSpiral's Bevin, TiareSim, shocked
historians and news reporters alike when she discovered the remains of
ex-Teamsters leader Jimmy Hoffa in Minkata early last week. While surveying
the outer dusty reaches of this new age, TiareSim unexpectedly stumbled upon
the cadaver a mere |<-| I | distance due west of Amelia Earhart's downed plane.
=====
This issue was brought to you in part by Marten. If you haven't already, stop
by http://marten.treeweasel.com/UntilUru/videos.html to see the latest video
"Talk".
=====
To subscribe, send a pm to MikeFitz @ KI-ID: 03081171.

MikeFitz · **Posted:** Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:31 pm

URU Action News 1.18

Bahro Wars: Episode 6: A New Light (06/26/07)
Editor-in-Chief: MikeFitz
Investigator: TheWriterX
Advice Columnist: Page Linkletter
===
CATE ALEXANDER UNVEILS NEW RESENG UNIFORMS

In an effort to boost funding, Ms. Alexander unveiled the new ResEng uniforms
as her first action on the DRC council. In what has been described as putting
a NASCAR outfit to shame, the new ResEng uniform is certainly...colorful, but
the sandwich board planks might make it difficult to maneuver. In related news,
"A Beginner's Bevin" has been renamed to "The Geek Squad Answer Bevin",
orientations are now brought to you by Wal-Mart, and ResEngs must incorporate
ad slogans into all their answers. Apparently my ki can take a lickin' and keep
on tickin' and Er'cana has been kid tested and mother approved.
===
SHARPER V. BAHRO
By TheWriterX

Douglas Sharper shocked explorers Monday evening, when he announced that the
DRC had given him permission to go Bahro hunting in Noloben. Sharper was aghast
by the public outcry against this, but stuck to his guns saying that he'd hunt
down the Bahro for, allegedly, killing Wheely Engberg. Screah, Bahro liaison to
the news, cried out in Bahronesse, "Tell the old man to bring it. Just bring
it." With this recent turn of events, and stakes so high, one thing is certain,
ticket sales and illegal betting on the fight will be through the roof.
===
FANNING THE FLAMES
By Page Linkletter

Revenge (ri-venj) To exact punishment on behalf of another or an opportunity to
retaliate or gain satisfaction. It was common practice for the Hatfield and
McCoys of yesteryear and in fact, the first death of that feud happened in a
cave as well. However, if you read on about the warring clans, you will see
that revenge did not solve their problems. But I'm not here to tell you about
history, nay, I'm here to discuss the BAHRO INFESTATION! They are a nuisance
and must be dealt with accordingly! Everyone grab yer guns and let's show 'em
what we're made of! This one's for Wheely!

And Rosette!

And Phil! This one's for Phil too!

MikeFitz · **Posted:** Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:31 pm

URU Action News 1.19

The Triumphant Return (09/10/07)
Editor-in-Chief: MikeFitz
Investigator: TheWriterX
Advice Columnist: Page Linkletter
===
PUBLIC APOLOGY

Real life has conspired against me these past couple months, with numerous work
trips, HP7, and most time-consuming of all, trying to sell my house and move!
And regrettably, with all of this, the newspaper has taken a back seat. A
genuine, heartfelt "sorry" goes out to all of our subscribers and I hope that
you understand...now, on with the news.
===
HE IS COMING; WOAH! CHECK OUT THOSE COLORS, MAN!

Subsisting on nothing but Teledahn mushrooms during his 4 year rave with the
bahro, Phil Henderson (phend) has miraculously returned, and is only slightly
more burnt for the wear. Recently, Phil has been discussing the hidden messages
behind various colors, the imminent approach of "him who has not been named",
and about how badly he could devour a bag of Doritos right about now. Explorers
who have come into contact with Phil have also noted an elevated mood and
desire to consume snack foods. So approach with caution and stay away from
brown...course it's your own journey, so be my guest.
===
BURGEONING GUILDS RECEIVE BEAUTIFUL NEW HALLS TO AMASS POWER

This week the DRC unveiled 5 beautifully crafted Guild Halls for explorers to
socially interact, to revel in the intricacies of D'ni culture and to devise
self-serving schemes of age domination. Recently appointed Guild of Messengers
provisional council member, MikeFitz, surveyed the new Guild Hall and announced
that this will be "the perfect place to commence my plans for subverting and
controling the flow of information throughout the ages, all for my new DRC
masters." In other guilds, members were overheard commenting that it is little
perks like this wonderfully picturesque hall which makes all the time and
effort spent subjugating my fellow explorers worthwhile.
===
FOR SALE

3BR 2BA all-brick rambler in MD. Lrg deck add-on. Bsmt rec-rm conts mystical
portal to archlgcl site in NM of ancient & adv. cvliztn. $1K new crpt allownc.

MikeFitz · **Posted:** Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:31 pm

Reserved.

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